Action Comics #387 Even a Superman Dies

Oh the 70s, if you ask me it truly was the golden age of comics.

Today Action Comics #387 a comic from when I was very very young.  Now Action Comics from this era had a habit of a cover bait and switch where the image on cover had little relation to what was on the inside, this issue doesn't fall into that category as this scene almost appears in the comic.

Are story begins as stories of the era often do with a splash page from the middle of the story.  Yes Superman has split the earth in two!

So now we get to the real beginning of the story, an elderly Superman finds five astronauts frozen in space.  Now perhaps this story should be called Superman makes a series of bad decisions because instead of defrosting the space travelers with his heat vision he decides to fly them into a sun because he's bored.  I repeat he does this because he's bored.

Instead of taking these guys some place safe and then sabotages a nearby ship assuming that they'll find them and get along.  Once again a series of bad decisions.

Superman flies even further in the future, it's then we get the backstory of how Superman came to be in this situation.  Care to guess?  Hint: It involves a really bad decision.

Yep, Superman used a defective time bubble.  I guess Supes didn't use his super-intelligence because if so he would have realized he could have waited a couple of days to start his time traveling. 

So the Time-Trapper has used some kind of power to prevent Superman from traveling backwards in time.  If that weren't bad enough when Superman gets to Earth he finds it's kind of a mess and slated to be disposed of by giant garbage collecting robots.

Superman uses some super-sabotage, he really likes to sabotage things in the future, and charges both robots with positive energy so they repel each other.

And now we get to the splash page, Superman cuts the earth in half to reveal 

I really hope he didn't have a tuna sandwich before he left Earth.   

Superman restocks his new Earth with plants and animals from alient planets he then progress on to kidnapping.

Yes Superman Earth has been reborn, with folks kidnapped by you from their home.

Now that his kidnapping is done Superman is bored again.  Luckily a flying space grappling hook comes along to kill him.  Flashback time.

Yes before his death old Lex Luthor transferred his evil psyche-energy into that tiny ship which then traveled the galaxy collecting more evil psyche-energy and becoming more powerful.

Luckily? a Master Healer was in the area and picked up Superman saving his life.  Superman responds by hurting the Master Healer's feelings and fly out to face certain death in the dreaded Magnor Comet!

The comet destroys Luthor's evil psyche-energy powered ship but accelerates Superman through the time barrier to the end of time.  Then he begins reliving his life, for tastes sake he starts reliving sometime after exiting the birth canal.

Before he knows it, it's 1970 again but wait the time-bubble is gone so he's arrived after he left but how is that possible if he was just reliving his life.  Think that's the writers cheating a bit?  You haven't seen anything yet.  Don't think about it and go build the Jolly Rodger, part car....part ship.

In the Metropolis Mailbag Cesar Quinones of Brooklyn New York asks the question no one is dying to know.

Eat any amount of anything except Kryptonite.  Oh my god, is this a hint about the Sand Superman saga?  Probably not.

Let's shoot forward a few centuries and check on the Legion.  Once again a splash from the middle of the story.

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Thank god Professor Sayar didn't label any of those buttons we wouldn't want this machine to be remotely usable.

 So the Karate Kid takes a million light year teleportation ride but on his return he's greeted by the Legion's greatest foe....

Wayland Bannan head of Earth's Bureau of Revenue and Taxation.  He's here to collect the gift tax on the teleporter thingy.  He's kid of like the Legion's Peter Gyrich but not.

You see because the Legion has 26 members they've lost their tax-free status.  So Bannan gives them 24 hours to drop a member or else.

Wayland Bannan tax badass.

The next few pages are nothing but the Legionnaires acting like idiots trying to prove they're the most useless and should quit the team.  Don't worry Brainac 5 has the solution he'll program the computer to provide the name of the Legionnaire who has performed the fewest feats in the past year.

The computer quickly points out that Brainy spends most of his time sitting around and talking.

But then Supergirl chimes in with her cold dead eyes to say the Legion needs Brainy to you know fix their email and stuff.  She'll quit but then the Legion of Super-Pets shows up because why not.

See Supergirl, if you quit we'll lose Comet and Streaky.  And quite frankly Krypto doesn't want to be left alone with Beppo and Proty II.  Brainac 5 then decides to program the computer to compute the most useless Legionnaire but before it can complete its task it zaps Superboy.

Yes it turns out Superboy wants to resign but he can't tell anyone why.  Now that's writing!

So there you have it the official in canon reason pre-Crisis Superboy left the Legion was to avoid taxes.

If you're a child of the 70s who liked cars you wanted Aurora Night Racing.

Man look at that Brave and the Bold cover!  Also Jimmy Olsen in court.

Command respect and admiration.  Fear no man!