So it's come to this, a Rob Liefeld comic. You knew it had to happen sooner or later but why oh why did it have to be the New Mutants. I mean I remember buying the New Mutants graphic novel and the regular series up until the late 80s, but I didn't really care of Louise Simonson's run and it just kind of fell of my radar. I knew Rob Liefeld had done work on the book and created some of his most 'memorable' characters there and I vaguely remember picking up a couple of issues looking at the art and then spending days vomiting so when I came across New Mutants #99 I said why not drop .50 on this.
The story begins in the Moorlock tunnels under NYC. Now correct me if I'm wrong but weren't almost all the Moorlocks wiped out in the Mutant Massacre? Regardless Masque and his goons are chasing Feral who is resisting joining the Moorlock army that's going to attack the topsiders. Evidently it's one of those join me or die situations.
The dentist must love Masque because you can see thirty of his thirty-two teeth when he smiles.
You know given all the anti-mutant sentiment in the Marvel Universe I'm surprised they were even served because these are obviously non-human faces.
Proudstar refuses Cable's invitation and chooses to remain on the reservation. Little do they know they're being watched by Gideon. He's interrupted to meet with Sunspot who is mourning the death of his father.
Now I'm all for a little artistic license but does Gideon drag a fan around to blow his hair? Is he constantly thrashing his head so his hair is in constant motion? These are things we need to know. Also the Playboy channel was this written by a twelve year-old? Also, also, non-human faces.
Meanwhile back at New Mutants HQ, Cable Domino, Canonball, and Boom Boom discover Richtor has flown the coop. You know what, good for him, get out of this crapfest while you can. Sam is so upset that Cable doesn't seem to care he stands with his legs five feet apart.
Then something totally normal happens. Two non-human faces have a shouting match, Sam walks away in a totally non-human way, Boom Boom hops(?) into the air while everything except the sofa disappears. Liefeld!!!!
James Proudstar arrives back on the reservation to find that everyone is dead and a Hellfire mask is convenient evidence of who is to blame. Of course he swears revenge.
This is where I'm obliged to point out that James has eight pouches not on his costume but on his everyday traveling clothes. Eight pouches, in the 90s I never had more than six pouches on me at any one time, eight is excessive.
Sunspot tells Cable that he's leaving and he may not be back, Cable's completely not human face responds.
Sam overhears all this and confronts Cable, and then some things happen artistically that should not happen, people grow and shrink, Cable's forearms swell to the size of Sam's head. It's just ugly.
Roberto leaves and Sam is visibly saddened, Cable says some nonsense like this is all for the best now he can build the team the right way, his way, blah blah blah.
James Proudstar returns and says with his non-human face that he'll help Cable with his war if he helps Cable helps him with his.
Feral watches from the shadows and hey look Shatterstar his here. Everyone loves Shatterstar, right?
Well thank god that's over, what a load of crap. You get the idea reading this that no one cared about this book anymore. I mean the next issue was the last and I believe the creative team was basically only thinking about X-Force at this point, a sad way for a once great book to end. Need proof that no one cared? Well let's look at what a bang up job the editors were doing.
The story begins with Feral on the run on December 13th.
Cable has lunch with James Proudstar at Tavern on the Green on December 14th.
James Proudstar and his pouches return home to Arizona and arrive on December 7th. Yep he somehow travels in time back a full week.
Seriously how did this even make it to print. And why was Cable so popular. For that matter why was Liefeld, why why why. This comic just left me so sad and tired, I think I'll use it for mulch.
But wait let's check the letters column.
Hmmm, I'm not saying that Trev Yount of 1115 S. Maple, Freeport, Illinois is really Rob Liefeld, but I'm not not saying that either.
Bonus....
Hmm, a Buck Rogers role playing game you say. Color me interested.
There was a Silver Surfer Nintendo game?? This had to be crap right?
Wait! The probably crap Silver Surfer game has a high score contest where you can win a Silver Surfer themed jet ski??? Well, riding on that will certainly show those snobby kids from the yacht club who's boss.
Next time: Well it can't get much worse than this.
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