I really should do X-Force #1 one of these days. In my opinion it's the comic that kind of said, hey it's the 90s and the 90s are going to kind of suck for comics. But instead I give you Doom 2099 and yes it's very 90s complete with a foil cover which sadly doesn't translate very well on this scan. Released in January 1993, Doom 2099 was one of the four 2099 release titles along with Spider-Man 2099, Punisher 2099, and Ravage 2099. Remember Ravage? Yeah me neither I constantly get him confused with Rage. Rather than go into the entire history of the 2099 imprint which was simply another attempt by Marvel to create some new characters without creating new characters and disturbing the status quo why don't we just jump to Latveria in the year 2099.
We begin our story in the future or rather in what 90s comics creators thought the future would look like. Everyone has terrible hair and says thing like 'everything's online' instead of 'everything's cool.' Anyway Wire evidently freestyles into Tiger Wylde's net and if Junkman doesn't pay up the data will fade. Got that? Junkman tries to cheat Wire and Xandra jumps to his defense. Is that clear? No? Well it doesn't get any better.
The Guardsmen show up knock out Junkman so Xandra and Wire have to fade, and fade fast. As they run we get a little slang ridden exposition about how Wire snaked the defense codes but Xandra assures him that no one thinks a gypsy can snake like a corporate raider. And yes the word gypsy appears quite a bit in this comic, my apologies to any Romani that might be reading.
The Guardsmen almost catch Wire and Xandra when you know who shows up.
Next time: Another cheap comic.
Doom gets some basic information from Wire and Xandra including that it's the year 2099, some guy named Tiger Wylde runs the country, and Doctor Doom has basically been forgotten. This does not please Doom.
Speaking of Tiger Wylde (and who wouldn't want to speak of him I mean it must have taken the writers minutes to come up with that name) let's see what he's up to.
Tiger Wilde evidently has a rivalry with some other corporation. He's a little worried about it so he has Fortune give him a Tarot reading. Once again how can you tell we're in the 90s? Bad hair, check. Shoulder pads, check. Straps, check. Super high collars, check. But it's not all bad, I mean Tyger Wilde has enough style and grace to put his initials in big letters on the back of his chair, that's a 60s villain move right there.
Doom shows up and is instantly mistaken for a Doombot. That's got to be humiliating. Tiger Wylde, bored by his administrative duties, decides to dispatch the intruder himself. Doom comes ready to fight but sadly he didn't anticipate a cyborg.
Now here's a weird thing about this fight. Tiger Wylde's dialogue alternates between talking as if he believes this is the real Doom and describing him as just another corporate assassin. It's a very strange sequence to read.
Tiger eventually overpowers Doom and fuses the circuits of his armor. Doom goes down pretty easily but Tiger Wylde does lose a hand in the process. He then unmasks Doom only to find some young unscarred guy inside the armor. Tiger decides to fix that continuity error. He then tells his crew to get rid of the body but lucky for Doom, Fortune has other ideas.
Fortune takes Doom back to her people's camp, it turns out that she's of the same clan as Doom. In fact Fortune has a Doom signet that he had given to his old friend Boris. And if that's not a big enough coincidence for you, Fortune takes Doom to meet Wire who is also a member of this clan. Coincidences all around.
In yet another bit of confusing dialogue. Wire says he has located everything Doom needs, wait what?! He says that Fortune gave him the specs for the razoredge tech Doom has been scoping, but Doom has literally only just woke up. I feel like there may have been a page cut or something indicating the passage of time.
Wire tells them they need to leave the country. Is this an issue of Justice because it's starting not to make sense.
Doom uses Fortune's signet to open a hidden hanger where it happens he hid a jet for Boris in case he ever needed it. Of course the jet is now one hundred years old but no one seems to think about that. As Doom puts it.
Except maybe Cyborgs which we've already established you didn't plan for.
The Doom gang fly across the globe to a research facility for the PIXEL corporation. Some other baddy has beaten them to the PIXEL facility but that's a story for another issue. Instead they locate the PIXEL scientists who evidently are being held against their will, it's not really clear. Doom promises the scientists freedom for their assistance.
Doom undergoes a procedure in which they enhance him with nanonoids which I imagine are very small Noids. While they're working on him we get a little Being Victor Von Doom.
Doom emerges 'better' than ever with a new armor. How 90s is it? Count the spikes.
25 spikes that's pretty 90s.
So I'll admit it was painful to read this comic. I didn't enjoy much of the comics scene in the 90s and this, even coming early in the decade, was so very, very, 90s. And then there's the whole concept of 2099-verse. I have no problem bringing in new characters in a new milieu with established names, I mean that's pretty much comics from the Silver Age on. The problem with 2099 was they were still writing comics with the old characters at the time. I've long said that Marvel just needs to shut the door on the 616 universe and start from scratch. The Ultimate line, heck even Heroes Reborn, were good ideas that were poorly handled and as a result we're still stuck in a rut in the 616-verse. I know 2099 has some fans especially Spider-Man 2099 but for me it all the books just fell flat.
What are you going to call the Doom 2099 letters page? Doomsayers, ok that's cool.
I present to you the worst controller ever designed, Turbo Touch 260.
Finally if your mom didn't buy you Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge, she likely got you Hook the game.
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